Friday, February 25, 2011

Thanks Miriam. I needed that.

My cousin has been posting a series of questions on her Facebook page and I in turn have shared some on SS. One of them was:
If you could give your teenage self advice on a particular situation that happened in your life, what would it be? I'm looking for less "Life will get better" answers and rather things like, "start wearing deodorant earlier" or "don't sleep with the entire football team."
My friend Miriam reposted a blog entry that she wrote a few years back. I remember reading that entry then but this part really jumped out at me today:
The best thing you can do for yourself is to get out of that town. Look around you - are you seeing an environment that fosters your drive and ambition? Find one that does. Trust that you are still capable of so much more than what you are doing now. Remember to spread your wings and fly.
In the throws of homesickness, going/being AT home, sounds really, really good. But then I start remembering all the reasons why I made the decision to move and I just get confused. "Home" (meaning BC) is where I feel like I want to be right now but I know that if I was there, I wouldn't be happy either. There's a lot about there that isn't right for me right now. Here, I miss my family and friends, but I know this is where I'm supposed to be. Even if I don't really understand why sometimes, I know it is. This is an environment that can "foster my drive and ambition". My wings are spread, I'm flying and I just need to enjoy the ride.

I was walking home from the bus tonight (it's half a block to my street and half a block up the street to my house). The sky is crystal clear and the stars are twinkling, there's a plane moving slowly across the inky blue expanse blinking red and white lights. The street lights are reflecting off the fresh (again) snow and making it all sparkle. I had fun at work (even if it was painfully slow) and I realize my health is totally "back". I breathe in sharp icy cold air, exhale and say "Yep, life is good. Even here, with all my questions for the universe. Life is good."

Thanks Miriam. I needed that reminder. <3


tosin said...

We moved to this town ten years ago because we needed a change, we needed a job, and we needed a place to begin our family. There was no real logic to the actual choice though. I spent so many lonely times here. My family all lived far away, and none of my friends were close enough to be of much comfort.

For some reason over the years I held on to this place. I couldn't explain why it was so important to me, but I just knew we were supposed to be here. We had rented for years, and finally bit the bullet and bought our home three years ago.

Over the last year I realized that we are HOME. Our kids have lifelong friends. I run into people I know at the grocery store or the ball field. I have people I can call in an emergency or just for lunch or coffee.

It took forever, but here we are. Follow your star, and let it lead you home. As tough as the road can be along the way, you will never regret it.

<3 Miriam <3

Anonymous said...

Wow, well said...both of you! <3


Shelljo said...

I think many of us have felt the same way you are feeling right now, Heidi. Your post brought to mind my years in college. I too chose to move far from home for my education. And, like you, at times, the homesickness was overwhelming and I wondered if it was all worth it. It was. Those times passed and I felt better and each time I felt that way, it was easier to deal with and work through. Hang in there, you are creating a brighter future for yourself!